The reality of dissatisfaction

I had been intentionally stopped to write for a time being. I did this intentionally as I spent more time to reflect my own life and the dynamics in my heart more closely. 

I found out that my heart is not always in perfect peace. I have struggled practically with the very basic question. If I frequently meet Jesus in the morning and evening, I pray and study His Word strenuously, how come there was still a sense of restlessness in my inner heart and soul? 

As I struggle with this existential issue, I finally conclude that this phenomenon is not odd nor shameful. And in fact, it is easy for us to feel that God does not show favor to us simply because we find that the state of our heart is very fluid. Is this thought true? Is there a chronic problem in our spirituality that we are not aware of? 

Mark Galli describes this existential event perfectly in his book that can be a great help in the midst of that kind of struggle. He himself dealt with that feeling for long. He concludes ''But in a deeper sense, an encounter with God brings us not only satisfaction but also deep dissatisfaction, not just fulfillment but also longing, and a longing that can never be fulfilled.'' 

This statement is phenomenal. We can say that by saying that Galli is embracing the reality of dissonance positively and put the idea of dissatisfaction under the framework of transcendence of God and human finitude that differs from the common logic of the overflowing goodness of infinite God that will instantly makes the finite being full completely, without consequently being ever experienced "thirst". 

It is true that Jesus once said to the Woman in the well, as attested in the Gospel of John that whoever drink the water from the living water, which is actually Himself, will never be thirst again.  

However, ''thirst'' there does not mean that whoever drink the living water will automatically stop the activity of drinking from the source of life again, in the future-forever (only one time event, and done?). 

Rather, it will bring a rather different result in application. Since we have tasted the greatest of water, we fill find that all water apart from the living water is tasteless, and we have no desire any worldly water anymore like ever before and longing to be filled and refreshed by water of God daily.

We will realize that all we want for our true fulfillment is found in God alone not in the thing outside Him. Everything apart of God will be only be secondary. Galli said, ''Everything we pursue—financial security, love, fulfillment in a calling, the joy of a hobby or pastime, and so forth—are mere pointers to something more true, more good, and more beautiful. We remain restless precisely because we mistake these shadows for the real thing.'' Thus, for those who had been tasted the living water will be truly satisfied (no comparison) yet the paradox of as a further consequence is also true. 

As we connected with God frequently, the longing for God is getting deeper and deeper, we will possibly encounter the reality of dissatisfaction even more. Why so? In our finitude we know that now, we cannot fulfill its greatest desire to meet Jesus' face to face. 

Therefore, the ''positive dissatisfaction'' will take place for this kind of longing will be realized only when our time is done, now, it still suspended until the event of eschaton.  Susan Cain tells describe this longing for resolution as "bittersweet". 

From the word, we know that both element of the positive and negative are fused into one. So, if one day we found out that our heart seems to be restless and not in a perfect peace on some occasions, let me suggest for us think this way. Rather than condemning our own selves too quickly and start to think probably there is something wrong in us that probably God does delight, let us also be grateful instead and realize that there is probably also another dimension, a positive dimension of the positive restlessness. It is a good sign that inform us that actually, we have been made God as the ultimate focus/desire in life. 

When God is at the Centre of our life, it will definitely lead us to a deeper state of longing even more, which the final resolution is yet to come in the after-life. Apostle Paul once describe this deep paradoxical longing as well. He says,  ''My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better!'' 

This is also in line with what mentioned by Adam Kotsko in his book, What is Theology?. In his book, he argues that that the reason why people go deep into theology is the "feeling of dissatisfaction", desperation, discomfort that haunt our being. 

Theology makes our life at stake. Kotsko wrote, ''Socrates famously claimed that philosophy begins in wonder, but theology finds its starting point in dissatisfaction, even irritation.'' That's a true paradox of someone who being interacting with God. 

Nonetheless, the good news for us is that the reality of dissatisfaction is not all together bad, it could be happening as the result of the tension between the great hope to be united with Jesus fully in a greater comprehension and the reality of us still living in this finite world, will grow our spirituality immensely, if we keep on desiring and desiring and enjoy the frustrated moment with gratitude! 

 "To desire God—this is the sum and substance of life''!