Listening is Respect

Listening is not just an auto-pilot activity, a consequence of having ears. Listening must be intentional, and Listening is an "art", utter Eric Fromm. Why an art? Simply because listening, as far as I notice, it is a beautiful activity. And for Fromm, listening is kind of act of unselfish understanding. Listening and loving is also inseparable. In daily lives, when we listen attentively to a various voice of words uttered by a unique persons all over the world, it is so desirable and fun isn't it? If we don't pay attention much by listening, we will never notice how for instance how  Morgan Freeman's voice is sound so deep, powerful also astonishing. We will also will miss to notice how Ben Shapiro can talk rapidly fast! (Me myself as well talk very fast). Somehow, I realize that listening to people voices is already kind of preliminary introduction to the person personality, character and also mood. Speech is the window to a person soul. Even we know God from His recorded speech also in the Sacred Scripture. 

In the area of communication, listening is an art that we need to always improve. Not just to listen the tone of people but most importantly, the content they deliver.  Especially for myself, with a wondering mind of mine, my art of listening skill need to be sharpened more, than ever. Sometimes, my brain have already a system that somehow automatically analyze the thought process of a person, the intention behind the word choice, the emotion through the tone, the body language of the person and so on, its kind of hermeneutics lens that I think will hinder the process of listening well, that is to say, just listen and do not give any succinct psychoanalysis, although it poops up automatically, best, ignore it for a moment (Most importantly, we do not try to construct their past by listening to other people. That kind of thing is used in clinical experiment (as what Freud did), and not in ordinary conversation. 

However, as I reflect the idea of listening, I found out that we need to listen well and cultivate this skill because fundamentally listening is a kind of respect. If we are not listening well consequently we will have a misrepresentation of what people say because simply, we are not listening. Or when people speak, we just hear but not listening for our mind focusing on something else, attentional blindness of our part (The term pioneered by a psychologist, Ulric Neisser) is a sign to the speaker that actually, they are not really interesting nor important person to be heard. Then by doing that so, we are act unethically in some extend. Those who are talking are not robots/talking machine, they are human being, a person. The person who talk is a person that need to be respected, and one way we respect person is by listening to their talk, no matter how confusing and also how boring because in fact, one of the greatest need of human being is to be heard. By listening, we are actually setting a posture of reverence, silently communicate that they are actually important and valuable. Yes, they are created as Imago Dei in the ultimate telos and essence that we understood deeply as Imago Christi. 

In the art of listening, the most basic thing is of course to pay attention. We need to know that those in front of us, the one we are talking with is really important person, no matter how their status are. Be focused and present at the moment and tell our mind that, "now, I will give my time to listen to this person." Give a proper respond through our body language. Nod, smile, and give eye-contact and let us slow to judge, indeed this is also the very advice that is well known taken from James 1:19. Moreover, in listening it is important is to focus always on what they meant rather than how they say it.

Sometimes, there are some people that is speaking boldly and speaking without thinking, and hence, there are several words that can hurt us, if we only pay attention on how they say things. Try to listen what they meant, from part to whole and from whole to part (Hermeneutics circle). However, when we slow to judge it does not mean that we are in agreement in whatever people say. With a right listening, we can understand others yet at the same time without necessarily agreeing with them. Moreover, by listening to other perspectives, we can gain a better understanding and be more critical at the same time. Interestingly, the word Respect means to look at from other people shoes. 

Thus, listening as an act of respect, to try to see a person from the unique standpoint of them. We cannot always assume that everyone need to speak with with the same manner and word choice (More polite) just like us. Listening must give some space of "me" and "you" to occur. Get into their frame of reference yet at the same time, we should not assume that we know everything. In every conversation their is always disconnection happening. One philosopher once claim that all conversation mostly are the series of disconnection with each other yet quite funny, we are thinking we understand each other. 

Finally, I guess It is okay to ask people to clarify what they are saying to us (ex: "pardon me did you say...") by repeating their sentence or try to explain their idea with our own, and see whether they give a correction or they are giving a green light, which indicate that we get them right. One writer wrote, "asking questions can be a great way to build understanding and clarify meaning, often as part of active listening." Furthermore, what we often know about two way conversation does not equal with the balance of speaking back and forth between two person but even one do not say any word but the other listen attentively and give a respond even only through body language, that's two way conversation already in nutshell. Listening is to respect, respect by listening!