Imperfect Family with Perfect Hope

Pandemic has raised many problems worldwide. In this case, many thinkers try to speculate what comes next after pandemic, to prepare themselves mentally. Martin Suryajaya an Indonesian philosophers has made a very good article on what come next after pandemic especially in political and economical realm. He argues we will moving from Democracy to Datacracy and the death of capitalism and becoming more to be like socialist. Historian like Yuval Noah Harari propose on how science dominate religion and also authoritarianism in society scheme might come into play in the future. In aggregate, all of them have think through this thoroughly and reasonable and convincing. Yet, despite of all discussion of what come next in political or economical realm, the questions we should asked as well is about the future of family. What is the future of the family in or after pandemic?

Michael Novak raise his voice hardly on this issue as he says, “throughout history, nations have been able to survive a multiplicity of disasters—invasions, famines, earthquakes, epidemics, depressions—but they have never been able to survive the disintegration of the family.” The question of the future of the family is really important because in order world can survive in pandemic world, one of the key aspect and element is family. Family is a means by which humanity can survive. This statement is not an exaggeration since family is the smallest unit of a nation. When family disintegrate, nation tear apart. During this pandemic and isolation, family are staying together, most of the time at home. Listening toward the testimonies here and there, many family are struggling today. They just discovered that making family ain't easy.  Before pandemic, if there is a problem in the family, they can just ignore and run from it by going outside, meeting friends, travelling to a different place and so on. 

Now many family realize, they cannot do it anymore. To many problems that has been fertilized for many yeas but has not spring out yet and pandemic of our time, has fasten the output and thus cannot hold the inner bitterness any longer. For the more we close with someone, the more conflicts might possibly come into existence. Bottom line, if we like to be honest, we are not used to spent time together as a family for a long period of time. We argue for quality over quantity yet we do not even try to create a moment. Pandemic has revealed to us that family is probably not our priority. We prioritize work, we prioritize our own selfish living. Family is just secondary. Furthermore, Pandemic has exposed also those who are making family just for the sake of making family because in the eyes of most society, being single for long is somehow worst than having partner and children.  

What we should do then as a family? First of all, we need to realized again the theological foundation of family. No family is perfect. This is our starting point. Sometimes we are shocked on how broken our family is during pandemic. Why did not I notice this before? Indeed, for we are not at home, most of the time. Or maybe we are presence bodily but our mind wondering elsewhere. We are simply never fully present at home. We should know family is a place whereby sinners come together, making a covenant of love to each other for the sake glorifying God (Christian family). As a family, this is the paradox, we are also in a constant progress of becoming (Godly) family. Even if we take a look our Bible, we will know that even family of a great heroes of faith are defected in some areas of their life. 

Thus, family is hard work yet, it's often became the neglected part of our life. We could work-out the best for so many areas in our life apart from family, especially our work. In fact many other people can do what we do in our work-place, we can just easily replaced by someone but in the context of family as a whole, no one can replace one another. Being a father or a mother, or even husband and wife is for lifetime. Nobody can ever replace us and our duty in our own family. Practically, closeness is need to be fostered. And closeness cannot be replaced by simply working to feed the family. Gary Chapman in his book The Family You always Wanted argue that closeness or intimacy can be regain again, and one of the thing that he highlight is to admit our failures (there are five principles that Gary shared: First, tell our thought/Intellectual intimacy), discuss our feeling/emotional intimacy, spent time together/ social intimacy, share our bodies/Physical intimacy. And for Gary, these five are not segmented).

Up to this point, I do not know what happened exactly in the future regarding the future of family. Maybe will be very tough for the coming years, with the issue of LGBT and digitalization growing up elsewhere in the West and the East. One thing for sure, I would say that the more disintegrated a family, the more devastated the future of humanity as a whole. It is essential to always reflect and questioning again the basic foundation of what is the meaning of family? What is the function of a family?  Certainly, these two questions need to be grounded once again in the eternal word of God. 

However, the first step always is to note that our family is imperfect. As long as we are believing that our family is perfect, either we are ignorant or we are self-deluded. Embracing our imperfection together as a family in such time like this is important. When we aware and accept this imperfection, we could move to the second step that is to say hope. Although our family is not perfect, we have perfect God who we can perfectly hope for Him to nurture and help us in the whole process and journey. Broken family is never fully a broken family. They are becoming blessed family as long they put their hope wholeheartedly unto God as the Bible clearly stated in Psalm 127:1, "Unless the Lord build the house, those who built it labor in vain." This is simple but not easy in practice but I think, this is the only way that a family can becoming a family that is intended by God, His design from eternity.

Apostle Paul also mentioned in 2 Corinthians 4:7 to remind us that we are only a jars of clay. A jar of clay is very fragile in nature yet, God used us, a broken vessel to be a channel and place of the greatest treasure, that is to say, Christ Himself to transformed and work in us tremendously.  The power comes from our own or our family but from above, as Paul mentioned, about this power of God, "all-surpassing power". Yes, this is what we need and always hope for our family in the time of crisis!