Choosing at the Crossroad

One of the rarest book, which remain only two vintage copies in the world is Hamlet. The famous line from 1603 version has this statement, "to be or not to be." This statement was profoundly deep especially when we relate it to our daily life. In life, we always face the crossroad. We need to choose. We should decide whether we choose to be or not to be through what we do or not do. Sometimes there are complexity and unresolved dilemma that we need to face on a daily basis, more complex if we are in the higher position let say, leader. To say yes and no is not always easy, especially we who have an Asian upbringing. In Asian context, to say "Yes" is preferable and often seen as an act of giving a face or respect to others. We hardly say "No" because we afraid, by doing that, we hurt others.  In other case, we might think that to say no is a bad thing (either in Western and Eastern context) for to say "No" is akin to rebellious action, especially in the context of company and work-place. Nonetheless, Albert Camus a French Philosopher in his famous essay The Rebel describe on how our world is meaningless, and this echoes the dimension that Ecclesiastes had described earlier in the Bible. Since our world is meaningless, our ability to choose is perhaps is the only meaning left for humanity. To do then to be. Yet, as Albert Camus  mentioned, to say no is to rebel and also to say yes is likewise rebelious. Either yes or no are part of our act of "rebel" in this meaninglessness of the world. Both are in equal connotation and value, both are simply a choice. Herein, we might not agree with Camus fully yet we san say, to say yes and no is both equally good and bad depending on the context.

The decision we should make when we are facing the crossroad in life is a big things for a small choice could lead us to abhorrent future, we afraid. The ghost that always scare us is the ghost of the past, created through the regret from our bad choice. The ancient Greek word for decision relate to the idea of crisis. That is why making a decision was not easy. Most of our life, in the earliest stage. We are choosing not by our own. I suppose, our parents choose lot of things for us from the early age. This is not a bad things. This is the reality, our faculty of reasoning only grow mature (thinking about consequences) later on in life when we face a decision to stay or leave in loving relationship, or when we choose to worship God or cultural Idols (Daniel Dilemma) or to choose between two bad options in the midst of ethical dilemma in life. Our decision will form us. We are becoming what we choose yet most of us unprepared to think about it, to prepare ourselves to be a better decision maker. 

Although some says philosopher as the one who have no stand point and always fuzzy with the choice yet, they need to choose a ground point, in order they can continue the dialogue with each other. One need to choose in life, their ideology, their philosophy all these things are inevitable. Interestingly, sometimes, we have forgotten that not choosing at the moment is also a possible choice we can take. At the crossroad in life, to pause and to measure our actions and logical consequences is important. We have that free facility to be used, so let us not be squandered, don't reluctant to use our free ability to use our freedom as Rollo May, a psychologists once says, "Human freedom involves our capacity to pause between stimulus and response."

Moreover, often, time will give us a lot more opportunities and opening us to a greater possibilities when we spare some space before we make a decision at the crossroad. Unexpected things can happened anytime. Life is fluid. Just look at the stock market. Regarding this idea of creating a space, there was a book written by Brandon Woffinden entitled, Mental-Pause. Mental pause is crucial as the author describes. Mental-Pause can helps us to recognize whether we are getting too emotional, so that making our logic re-engage again with the choice. True, emotion could lead us to unreasonable bias however, we should not eliminate emotions for otherwise, we will potentially harm others eventually the famous dictum, "This is my own choice, I do not care about others".

As for myself, I think there are three things that can help us to choose at the crossroad of life. I do not claim these are going to be comprehensive but hopefully helpful for a starter, assuming we all make a mental pause and have not make a decision yet. Don't make decision too quick, and as we pausing, there are three things we can consider before we choose:

First, Examine our choice through the lens of divine principle. In whatever choice me make, make sure it does not contradict the things of God. Whether his divine attributes or His perfect law. No matter how captivating and beneficial the output of choice might be still, if its contradicts the divine principles, then that choice is undeniably bad. This of course not that simple, especially we deal with doctrinal dilemma for at core, the discussion of choosing the doctrine is revolving around which is more consistent with the voice of the Scripture? John's Hick pronouncement echoes here, "Whose Truth?" However, as long as we put Bible as the highest standard of all things should be measured, and not from other worldly source or tradition to be the Sacra Scriptura, we will minimized the difficulties and distortion of choosing. We will slowly arrived at the clear and ultimate truth. The key is to always returning back to the firm foundation, the Word. Today, as one historian claim, "heresies has become fashionable", the cultural mood of our time has shifted us away from orthodoxy, we can see in the gender debate. However, history has proven that the truth will shines and lies will be faded. The heresies will be exposed when it face the real Word. Meanwhile, our duty is to cling to truth, defend and present the truth consistently. 

Second, Don't every say yes when our heart say no. This principle is actually taken from Paulo Coelho, a brilliant Brazilian novelist. This practical advice really sound. Although we put the primacy of the logic than feeling, both need to be used in equal consideration. The great imaginary to balance both are this, thinking with heart (feeling and reason). So make sure when we choose and make a decision, our heart and mind is in univocal mode. Otherwise we will be regret after we make a choice. If we say yes when our heart say no, probably it was a sign that we have made a decision that is either too fast or just to please others, without thinking through more deeply pertaining our choice. We need to maintain the balance. Joseph Bikart in his book, The Art of Decision Making wrote a chapter on intuition. Institution is a feeling of right or wrong inside of us. And he says, intuition should be a good help to improve and enhance our moment of decision. Intuition was gained through our cumulative experience in the past that has formed a certain pattern. Often recognized as a voice of heart more than the voice from our head. A simple example, when we say a joke and we see the face of others change, then we intuitively stop our joke. That's intuition. Some perhaps have a better sensitivity toward their intuition than others. The synonym of intuition is what we called as conscience, the voice from divine that God implanted in our heart. God speaks in us sometimes through the weariness of our heart, to guide and lead us. 

Third, Measure the output of our choice ethically. Our tendency is to choose something that is beneficial for us. If its bring me benefit more than the other available options, I will choose it without hesitation. However, the best choice is never base on benefit alone but ethics in considering our action of choosing. We should asked more then our own private circle, what's the output of my choice toward the people around me? Society around me? Do I give more harm or more good for others other than myself. Of course, this is a bit tricky. For when we engage in the area of ethics, there are lot of ethical theories in our world. Nowadays, secular ethics is dominated by Utilitarianism ethics. However, as Christian we are fixed to think with the ultimate ethics, that is to say "love" and not utility. This is the ethics of Christ. In other words, how my choice share the love the most, that's should be our measure. Love should not be as the teological end (consequentialist: Output) but also need to be measured through out the process. In other words, Its is not just the end of our choice but also "the way" we choose also need to expressed the greatest love. Not just the end and the process lastly, we need to be sober also "why" we make the choice we make. Does it base on mindset of love or other things apart from love? while thinking about this, we can ask the opinions of others that can enrich our ethical dimension of love. 

Thus far I have present three basics principles that might help and guide us in every choice we make in life, especially at our crossroad, there are more to say actually. Yet, specific guidance nearly impossible for all facing an unique challenges in life even we have a similar resemblance. In fact, choosing is an art more to science. There is no fixed ways for every case. Still, to have a basics principle to guide us is necessary. For sure, in our life we will "fundamentally encounter" with things of the world that make us think (although today, we do panic than think) as French Philosopher Deleuze once says. So "what will I choose?"; "What should I do?"; "What shall I be?" In this case, when we fundamental encounter with the world and its complexity in the whole matter of choosing, we should never forget to pause and look above, to fundamentally encounter with God and His Mercy as well, so that so, we are able to deal with the bewilderment of choosing at the crossroad. Without doubt, we need God's wisdom to raise us up to the higher level, so we can act beyond our current and limited thought. King Salomon was the living example on how the wisdom of God is the greatest key to deal with the very baffled dilemma in life, to be or not to be, to do and not to do!