Expectation Kills!

When I was in a car, listening to a radio, there was a conversation that really struck me, the host says, "Expectation is the killer of relationship!" When I heard that my natural respond is to say, "How come?" As I arrived at my home, I set myself calm after a long ride, made a cup of coffee and start to drank and wondering and pondering this thing called "expectation". Each and everyone of us must have a certain kind of ideal in mind, and we often judge other people with that ideal or expectation which often time inhuman in nature. However, those ideals and expectations of us should not be uplifted up to a state like an ultimate yardstick unless it correspond to the values of the Word of God. We are to judge everything by the word of God as the Psalms tell us that God's word must be a light unto our feet and a lamp unto our path (Psalm 119:105).

Frequently, the irrational and unreasonable and ignoring all the contexts are the nature of our expectation. Beside of that problem, how we deliver our expectation is also crucial issue. Sometimes the expectation is nothing but the way we expect other to follow our ideal is very demanding and, we are being very pushy! Actually expectation can be a good thing. As long as the expectation is good and the way we communicate the expectation is on point, It can help other people to grow and becoming a better person, beyond what they perhaps ever imagine. However, the other side of it, expectation can kills because it will create a "limiting frame" in which relationship cannot be authentic and also it destroy spontaneity. Most importantly why wrong and bad expectation often kills because it appear to deny that everyone has a different history. Everyone start from a different starting point and perhaps end in a different final point. Everyone is unique everyone has what Paulo Coelho name it as "Personal Legend"; or we can say more plainly, one's destiny in life.

Therefore it is important to asked these two questions before we throw our expectations to other people. First, does my expectation is a wrong one or not? (base on Sacred Scripture). Second, does my expectation is a bad one or not? (We deliver it with brute force rather than out of love). By these two filter, hopefully we are not becoming a person who prove the fact that expectation kills whereby in reality, it not always be the case. Wrong and bad expectation are not a small matters. It can led others to stress, depression and even suicide. Once again Context is important. Living out our expectation and ignoring all the internal and external context all together is unwise. Take for instance this small example. Today is my birthday and I expect my partner to give me special gifts. However, what we get is far from our expectation simply because our partner just being fired from their office. If we ignore the context, all we did only to hurt our partner and also wreck the joyful birthday moment. So consequently, we can all agree that never ignore the context. As one author wrote in his book, "expecting something from someone is a death knell to the joyful life."  

Not just examining our expectation, on the other hand, manage our expectation is equally essential. try to look from the other people shoes before we are about to toss our expectation. Enjoy the process, and do not force others to change themselves so quickly. People will definitely change, nothing is permanent. It just a matter of time and timing. This universal rule apply everywhere. From a small and even big thing, all subject to change. Heraclitus famously says, "everyday sun is new." How come sun is new everyday? It must not be taken as sun changing form but in his context, he want to say that the flame of a sun is always quenched. Thus, the sun is new everyday. So, as long as we have a right and good expectation and we deliver and communicate it with love, to tell what we feel rather than tell others what they ought to do. Surely, people will respond to our expectation out of their own desire and will try their best to fulfill it. Daunting as it may seems, we must try our best to manage our expectation for when we do not communicate our expectation, the relationship will be in a very serious and disastrous condition. Un-communicated expectation can destroy any kind of relationship in any stage. Although expectation kills, apparently un-communicated expectation is proven to kills more.